Girl With a Mortgage

Yes, I realise that is misspelled, but I did it on purpose to try and make it rhyme, make it snappy, make it marketable goddamn it.

If you can’t tell what that word in the title is meant to be, it is a bastardisation of the word Judgement – and what is a Budget Judgement? It is where I get to have an anonymous go, at someone I anonymously know, to show where in their budget, they could cut spending.

Now, I know budgeting is all about priorities, and not everyone has the same ones, BUT at the same time, this is my own private blog, and there are no names, and I rule this universe here, so I am going to have a go.

This is aimed at those particular people I know, who say they can’t afford to go on holiday. What they should actually say is

“I would rather trade my 48 inch tv for a 60 inch screen than go on holiday”.

Now, I wouldn’t understand the reasoning behind that, but at least it is honest. Tell me a holiday isn’t your priority, and then that is fine. (well not really, but it will be one less thing for me to bitch about).

But since we are going through the charade of you pretending you want to go on a holiday, I’m going to help you out with some suggestions of places to help you fund this unwanted holiday;

• Insurances – You are unreasonably insured up to your eyeballs. The number of bad things that could happen to you and your possessions does not outweigh your premiums. Insurance companies build on our fear, create more fear, and scare us into parting with our dollars so that “Your kids aren’t burdened with the financially crippling prospect of paying for a funeral when they are already at the emotional lowpoint of their lives“. Hey, my parents have told me to get the cheapest route possible, and if that means donating to science, so be it. If you love your kids so much, give them the money as an inheritance and get your body lost at sea
• Pay Tv – Are you kidding? Surely this should be the first thing to go. You’re paying money to sit on your couch and be bored. youknow there isn’t anything good on. Housewives of New Jersey? Another real estate show? Porn (don’t you know it’s free online!?)
• Porn (just while I remember)
• Friday night drinks – this can stack up, and the longer you stay, the more generous you get. We all know that. You would rather drink with people you see all week than pay to get away from them on holiday? Why don’t you just marry them!??
• Weekday lunchese – stop going out for big fat pig meals you big fat pig! You don’t need it, if we’re going to be honest. Cut this out and you could get into a nice pair of swimmers on your never-going-to-happen holiday.
• Going to cutesy places in the country on the weekend because you have nothing better to do, and spending a fortune on petrol, stupid lunches in Deliverance-style cafes, and bringing back god knows what expensive piece of tat from one of the millions of homewares shops there
• Renovations – just stop. Or I will burn your house down.

I reckon if you implement these suggestions for only a couple of months you could get a couple of flghts return to the Gold Coast – which seems just your style.

Lately I have been running out of shoes – you know when you have so few shoes, that it becomes a pivotal part of your fashion decisions, because so many outfits get ignored because ‘I don’t have shoes to go with that’.

The problem is, I don’t want to buy shoes, because a pair will set me back around $100 at least, and I am saving! So, I went down for a weekend at my parents and rifled through my old wardrobe to see if I couldn’t find some ‘new’ old shoes.

I have a lot- I used to work in an office, and earn a nice wage, so I had a lot of old shoes which I stored at my parents. Boxes and boxes of colourful Nine West shoes, but all of them had a little something wrong with them. The pink ones were too faded, the red ones had stubbed toes, the black ones stitching was coming loose – and every single one of them needed heel replacements. I had walked these shoes into the ground and I didn’t take care of them at all!

(Savings tip #57389 – Look after your things).

So, I went through all the boxes, found the shoes I liked, and took them all to the Cobbler to find out how much it would cost to get them fixed. Note that the prices can vary from shop to shop, and this shop was in a bit of a nice suburb – when looking for clothes alterations, dry cleaning, cobblers, etc – go to the cheaper suburbs!

New heels = $15 a pair

Re-colouring = $40

New Zipper and sole on boots = $90!!!!

General overhaul = $25

The next problem was, which ones to get fixed? I couldn’t afford them all. The boots were way too expensive to get done, even though they themselves cost around $320 – maybe when I am rich.

So I decided I was just going to get the heels on three pairs done, and the minimum fixes to make them wearable. This cost me $55 for three pairs, and when each pair is about $130 to buy.

Three new pairs of shoes in three different colours means a range of outfits are now again wearable. Not to mention they are all worn in and super comfortable – and all for $55.

(secretly I think this is still a bit expensive, but I am trying to pretend it is ok).

When you are saving money – sometimes it can be a bit depressing – no holidays, no big nights out, no special treats. In the cold, dark winter, you don’t want to be more depressed than the weather might make you.

So here are a few cheap ways of getting the things you want, while still trying to keep to your budget:

- Look on Ebay for your favourite designers clothes (pay on Pay Pal to try and minimise the chance of getting ripped off)

- Have drinks at home with friends before (or instead of) going out.

- Have clothes/accessories swap parties with your friends, its a fun way to figure out new outfits

- Swap books, magazines and DVDs with your friends to double your supply

- Have your friends over and give each other manicures and pedicures (or give them to yourself if you don’t trust them), to save money on maintenance, while seeing your friends and having fun

- Chip in with your friends to buy an’Entertainment’ book (the restaurant voucher book)

- And Finally, make the saving up for your big treat fun. For example, if you are saving for a holiday, you can get out library books, make scrap books of things you want to do, research online, plan itineraries,  – it’s all a lot of (free) fun, and the anticipation will make your reward all the better.

It used to be (in Sydney anyway), that Tuesday was called “Tight Arse Tuesday”. Not only because of half priced movie tickets, but also because that was the day of the week when petrol was the cheapest. Weekend petrol wasn’t cheap, because that is when everyone is driving around the most. Friday petrol was expensive, in preparation for weekend driving, and Monday was expensive because you were empty after the weekend.

Or was it just me imagining it?

Anyway, I always try to get my petrol Tuesday or Thursday for the best prices, and always make sure I have one of those shopping dockets to get the cheaper rate. I have also seen other tightarses try these tricks to get the most out of their petrol…

• Making sure you raise up the hose at the end to get every last drop of that precious oil
• There is a site called motormouth.com.au which helps you find the cheapest petrol in your area
• I have heard rumours that driving at 80km/h vs 100km/h saves around 50% the amount of petrol – I don’t know if that is true, but it is what I have heard…
• Less erratic accellerating and braking is better for your fuel consumption and brake pads
• Lighten your car up – get any unnecessary weight out
• Don’t wait until you desperately need petrol, at which point you have to pay any price!

Of course the best saver of all is to walk, and not use the car! Use public transport or your own two feet, or buy things online. Since saving petrol also means somewhat saving the planet, this is good for the world as well as your wallet.

Don’t you hate it when an online retailer says there will be a x% surcharge on your purchase if you pay by credit card, and then give you NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO PAY WITH CREDIT CARD?!

I mean, sure, if there is an easier way to do it, and I am doing it the harder way – maybe you should charge me.

Virginblue.com.au annoyed me today when they did this to me – oh, wait, but they did give me the opportunity to pay by another method – but I couldn’t, and you couldn’t either, unless you are a member of one of the particular banks they use.

Annoying! I am buying something from you, and then you have the audacity to charge me for PAYING you.

This is on par with tipping in Australia (get lost! I was a waitress, you get PAID) or a weekend surcharge, or that insane surcharge some restaurants have for parties of over 10 people or so (oh I am so SORRY that I brought you more business, shame on me).

But now I get to the biggest annoyance – Virgin Blue – how could you charge me a credit card transaction fee TWICE on the same purchase?!?!! is it two lots of admin that you are doing?! I don’t think so.

I bought two flights in the same transaction, and they charged me the credit card fee twice, and when I checked up on it, I saw on their website that for Australian domestic flights they charge you a credit card charge for EVERY FLIGHT you buy, NOT every transaction.

Booooooooo

But the annoying thing is, when they have the cheapest flights, and the most options, I have to go with them.

Annoying.